Thursday, February 07, 2008


Hi there travelers.....true or vicarious,

I'm told by the others that back in the first week of April '07 the W.C.(Water-Closet) as it's commonly known in Africa (or the "Hooha" as it's come to be known in the peregrinations of our itinerant cabal), had running water. I honestly don't remember. I was too traumatized back then. Ammon briefly mentioned in a recent blog that I'd come a "long way" when comparing the Amman, Jordan hooha with the Labe, Guinea hooha. If in fact Amman's (not Ammon's) facilities actually had shower and sit-down toilet with running water complete even with the ambiance of a torture chamber, (I do remember the ambiance part), I'd agree without hesitation. For in Labe, Guinea not only would one find the long, dank, dimly lit (think maybe 5 watt light bulbs precariously hanging from the frailest of wires) hallways reminiscent of Alcatraz cell blocks intended for deviant miscreants and only suited to gargoyles and necromancers both with serious mental conditions, one would ultimately find THE broken metal door hanging on one hinge marked "WC" in the shadows. With full bladder or bowels (or both) I can personally attest that this is not an attractive situation! Especially after a long brutal day of feeling like an abused sardine packed in "dust of the day" in a small, thoroughly beat to the max tin can with wheels made by Peugeot. (I really couldn't tell if the holes of missing door handles, blown out windows, and the thousand cracks in the windshield were letting the suffocating red dirt in or out!) If you are one that feels acute pain between the ears when fingernails are viciously drawn over a black board, it is highly advisable to send another misfortunate in advance to open THE door previous to your arrival at the hooha. There's no light....none....not even a burned out light bulb in a well-rusted out light socket to raise tomorrow's its back to the "cell block" room for a lit candle or flashlite....might as well bring the TP too! Upon entering, one first sees to the right directly into the curtainless "shower" area with an archaic non-functioning shower head appearing momentarily to drop under the weight of the clinging cobwebs....or are they spiderwebs??....One had better keep an extra eye out for those all too familiar gigantic Halloween characters that launch Skylar, Bre and Savannah on a seatless toilet with the girls screaming in hilarious, high-pitched tones. What a trio! Actually they should save their breath for when, during that proverbial bucket shower, some stranger screeches open THE door without warning and they find themselves in the newcomer's full view....afterall, there are no doorlocks, no barrier between shower and door, and best of all it IS co-ed!!! Knowing one's "co-cell-block mates" are literally as black as night, finding oneself butt naked, wet, and all suds'd up, and then suddenly seeing two white eyes and a big white smile grinning in the darkness will surely give one a cardiac arrest! Nearby is a sink that drains directly below into a stone mini-trough which in turn drains through a hole smacked in the wall and drips into the stinking littered alley. Of course the water handles are only ornamental so one must find the huge oil-drum full of clear water(thank goodness) accompanied by a small, very inadequate bucket and a plastic teapot for rinsing. (Ever rinsed your body with a tea pot? Watch out for the spout in the darkness....hehe.) Around the intimidating corner, one discovers the very core of the hooha...and it's at this point, over the agonizing rumblings and bulgings remonstrating in the lower mid-section, that one entertains the thought, "How long can I last? Can I hold it all night? Good garbage and lonely litter! Its been ALL day long!" And so one presses on into a seemingly troglodyte's cave of paradise, balancing TP on a water filled "flush" bucket in one hand, lit candle in the other, wishing to high heaven and all above (except for the ubiquitous vultures) for that extra hand to facilitate acute compulsions to pinch one's nose in futile attempts to preclude insuperable stench from completely violeting both nostrils with malodorous malaise....but only when not fending off 8-legged, hirsute arachnids whose eyes glint menacingly in the flickering but waning light of the now dying candle....

Fun, fun, fun..........


At 9:19 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Brandon,
Your blog both entertained and grossed out the Nurses at the same time, Nicely done at 2-for-1!!! I was reading the blog and laughing out loud, so had to read it to everyone in the room. One of the most entertaining blogs since last spring... wait that was you too. Somehow the bathroom and your writing intersect to create very entertaining reading. \
I'm sure Freud would have something to say about your fecal fascination, and bathroom follies. As to the spiders... I hate spiders, I don't scream like Sky, but I HATE spiders.

Thanks for the Laughs
Big Bear Hugs
The Bear


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