Thursday, June 10, 2010

A Simple Love Story

Spending my days gazing out at the grassy meadows, blowing along canals and spinning windmills shadowing over quaint little wood bridges in Holland I begin to reminisce…
When I’d left Egypt in late December of 2008, I didn’t look back. I was headed home! Home to the place I’d dreamed of for nearly four long years or at least, this was how I got myself to step on that plane, walking away from a man who’d eased my pains and changed my life in Africa. It seemed, the impossible dream I’d managed to coax up would cease to exist, fading into nothing more than dizzy memories. I thought, after applying all of the principles of the "jack rabbit factor" novel and promising, that I could walk away and life would go on as it should. That I could indeed begin my “normal” life….finally! Of course, being alone for the first time, separated from the family, I felt empty and slightly lost. I didn’t know what Vancouver would have in store for me after so long away. The place that was anything but unordinary to me, was now culturally and visually shocking to my many heightened senses. One thing I do remember was my strong appreciation for even the most miniscule things. Ice cubes were treasured in the freezer, running hot water was glory on my skin but all those things like “subway, sushi, sorting through storage” that I’d talked so much about didn’t seem satisfying…like I had expected. It was as though all that time I had created a perfect world in my mind, that wasn’t really there. And now that I’d found a man who made me laugh there was nothing that could replace it….and yet I had lost that only thing.
As each day went by I could see the deep creases of dirt, engraved in the bottom of my feet begin to fade but my love could not. A continual ache lingered in my chest and I knew, there had to be a way. “If there’s a will there IS a way” and that may have been my biggest lesson that kept me pushing on. This realization was not one that suddenly appeared but something I’d known all along but tried to ignore, for the chance of a “better” more logical path in life, as Kees had tried to rationalize with me throughout our entire journey together. After all my struggles and drawing it to me, to simply let it slip away? Where was the sense in that?! The only rational thing I could see...WAS him!
Thinking I’d learned many lessons about life on the road, there were indeed more lessons in store for me about the world. The world is not fair and in getting what you want sacrifices need to be made and mine was my best friend. I knew I couldn’t have everything. I understood the threats and consequences but if people can not accept and let me be who I need to be then I can only wish for that acceptance, not be expected to change my life for other people. That is what I realized. Trying to change who I am to please others will not bring me happiness…so I had no choice but to follow my heart.
Although one journey ended, I hadn’t doubted another would begin. Once again, I was caught off guard and thrown across the world in a whirlwind, but this time, every action was my own and I would be held accountable for every move I made along the way.


At 6:49 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Savannah, once again I will have to say that I hate how amazing your writing is.. makes me wish I had that talent! Its amazing, truely! The way you pour your soul out and it spils along the paper creating something beautiful is sensational...doesnt seem like your writing at all... and that really touched me because I know how it was to travel beside you, through all the best and worst moments we were they were big or small we knew that life is a journey best done on the road.. lol...that the road goes on and time keeps ticking away, its the memories we keep with us forever that are important and Im thankful I was able to share all of that with my family. I love you! Your sister Bre!

At 9:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is beautiful. I have tears pouring down my cheeks. Savannah, you are amazing - please keep writing.

I've missed it!

(although I love all the watkins stories and writing!)

Ammon - looking forward to hearing about the outback mate!! see you in Brisy sometime soon ish


thank you for sharing your emotions so softly yet clearly Savannah


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